Dina Lohan is a great parent

by Paul William Tenny

lindsay-lohan-dina-lohan.jpgYou know it's not just hard, but generally a waste of time trying to figure out what makes a person bad. My definition of bad isn't really the same as yours, and if we can't even agree on that, then why bother?

Well, Lindsay Lohan's parents for one.

They make a pretty compelling argument for why we ought to pay closer attention to how our societal misfits came about, if not to protect the future of our species, then maybe at least to save our sanity. If Charles Darwin had a love child with Michel de Nostredame -- already in development at Fox -- we might have been able to save ourselves from being insulted by 5th Graders and would have found our Moment of Truth five centuries ago, give or take a quarter -- and decided to snuff out our burgeoning race as a favor to the intergalactic society we'll surely exploit some day for even more amazing races through the Milky Way and alien wife swapping extravaganzas.
If you are what you eat, then you're inescapable a reflection of what brought you into this world. Far more often do you see bad kids and even worse adults having been raised by equally bad parents, probably a product of their own upbringing. Dina and Michael Lohan probably didn't beat their kids or lock them in closets during all-night party binges (though that might actually do Lindsay some good now that she's an adult, and the world finds it much easier to justify incarcerating adults for no other reason than them not being kids anymore.)

That doesn't absolve them for not setting a better example for their offspring, however.

Although I've never needed an excuse to speak of the large breasted trouble maker before, this time I've got a bona fide tie-in to the Media Pundit realm: reality television. Dina Lohan + reality = excuse, understand?

Reality producers have never needed a good reason to put people on TV that ought to be there either. In fact if you ever find yourself with a bag of money on the table and an offer of stardom, you really ought to take it as an insult of epic proportions. It means you're messed up in one way or another, and your fellow Americans want to laugh and be entertained at your expense. Those with any amount of common sense surely need not apply in such a case.

E! is not exactly known for innovating the great programs of our generation -- or any other for that matter -- but they do seem to attract some of the worlds better known bottom feeders for our fun and their profit. It didn't take Nostradamus or a genius to predict that some sort of hilarity would inevitably ensue, and our girl Dina was not out to disappoint.

According to SFGate.com, viewers are already "furious" and "shocked" -- hey, isn't that the point of reality shows? -- that Dina was watching porn on her computer when her other daughter, this one running about 14 on the Richter scale of trouble, walked in and spied the sinful smut.

Asked the daughter Lohan, "Is that Lindsay?"

Sadly, no. Nor does anyone particularly care since we've seen every inch of the former Disney star already, instead this moral crusade surrounds the innocent Ali Lohan's introduction to the existence of videos where people have sex for money. I know, it's such a tragedy that the girl's innocence was stolen at such a young age, but what can ya do? Aging mothers of starlet children need to get their porn fix too you know, and former Justice Department lawn shark, er distinguished lawyer and protector of all things holy and innocent, Pat Truman told the Gate that there are in fact no laws against parents showing porn to their kids.

As for my theory on bad kids being the product of bad parents, well, I'll go ahead and let you be the judge.
in Celeb, Feature, Television


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Reality Shows -- I knew I kept that bottle of holy water, the sprig of garlic, and the sea salt around my TV for a purpose.

The closest of I've come to watching "Reality TV" is COPS (which I adore), and my guilty pleasure is Judge Judy.

That's it for reality shows.

(Of course, I don't watch sitcoms either, but that's another story.)


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