Uwe Boll thinks Michael Bay is a retard

by Paul William Tenny

This just made my day. Uwe Boll has been using a loophole in German tax law to independently fund really terrible movies based on fairly decent games for the past couple of years, and now someone started a petition to get him to stop. FEARnet asked him if he knew about it on the set of his most recent abortion, Postal, and said that he'd quit if the list reached 1,000,000 signatures. There's no chance he'll actually do it, but it says a lot about his movies that over 140,000 people have already put their names on the petition.
That's pretty funny all by itself, but naturally with Boll it never quite stops there. When he goes off on one of his rants, it's usually trash talking garbage that is as vial as it is hysterically adolescent.

Boll took advantage of his face time to talk smack against Michael Bay and Eli Roth. In those two, you've got the very definition of movies without stories. One is pure special effects, the other mostly tits and torture. Not exactly shining examples of Hollywood's finest, but they still look like Jesus with a camera compared to Boll. I love it.

"Look, I'm not a Fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business" or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look in my movies you will see my real genius," Boll said in a video statement. "You have to really wake up and see me what I am, the only genius in the whole fucking business."

Bay wouldn't know a story if I beat him to death with one, but he's still a very talented director and anything but a retard. That he's being called one by Uwe Boll, the single biggest hack on the planet -- that's just pure comedy gold. There aren't even any good jokes to be made. That kind of stuff writes itself. Queue responses from Senor's Bay and Roth:

Eli Roth quickly responded calling Boll's negative comments about him the "greatest compliment ever." Michael Bay has responded to the comments against him on his official message board:

"I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care?' Not in the slightest."

I liked Roth's reaction better, where the only logical way to deal with a troll is to laugh at the clear absurdity of it. At least Bay and Roth are actually trying to make good films and have had some financial success. I think Boll has probably lost more money for his "investors" than some indy studios budget out all year. Even at $15 million, this guy can't do anything other than crash and burn. I don't know where he got the funding for Postal since the last I heard, his gaming the system became so obvious that Germany actually changed its laws. That finally forced Boll to admit that he'd have to scare up a winner real soon, or nobody was going to fund him anymore.

So really this petition is cute but unnecessary. A couple of more films that are guaranteed failures and he'll disappear forever. Right? ... right?

Hilarious facts:

Signatures for Uwe Boll to stop making movies: 166,383
Signatures for Uwe Boll to make more movies: 2,091
in Film


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