Uwe Boll fails again

by Paul William Tenny

Uwe Boll, that German guy that keeps adapting perfectly good games into horrible films using foreign financing -- repeatedly -- has gone and done it again.

In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege Tale pulled in just $1.5 million after the theaters cut this past weekend, after costing a whopping $70 million to produce.

That's not including the marketing budget, of course.

For whatever reason, with each failure more spectacular than the last, people keep throwing more money, more intellectual property licenses, and more jobs at this jerk, and he keeps on raping them into the ground. There is hope to be had though, according to Hollywood Reporter, the tax shelter laws in Germany may have finally done what no amount of epic box office failure could accomplish: an end to Uwe Boll films:

But "King" marked the last film to be bankrolled by his fund, which, like all similar tax shelters, has been banned in Germany.

Boll will now have to finance films the old-fashioned way -- with presales. Given the director's record, that could prove difficult. Despite being one of Germany's most prolific filmmakers, he is arguably most famous -- or infamous -- for the boxing match he staged with Internet critics of his movies.

"Because of the Boll reputation, it is not easy to get audiences into the cinemas," said Mychael Berg, head of distribution at 20th Century Fox in Germany, which released "King" locally. "We finally managed it, and we are quite satisfied with the abut 250,000 people who watched the movie (in Germany). We proved that you can make money with a Boll film."

The Internet has proven that you can make money by raping a goat and filming it; that doesn't mean you should dump $70 million into it and then doing again three or four more times.

This guy ought to be in director prison for a couple of years before being let anywhere near a movie set. Or, at the very least, he ought to repay the license fees and return the rights to the games he shat on. It's hard to imagine what the people who made those games go through every time they are forced to see what's left of their creation on the screen.

Even on the best of days, goat raping sounds like a far better choice.
in Film


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