Not that I like reporting on this tabloid garbage, but sometimes I get really bored fighting the forces of evil and saving the planet fifty times every day, and I need to take a break and read about the latest twists in Lindsay Lohan's exceptionally screwed up life. It reminds me that no matter how hard we all work to make this world a better place, there are plenty of rich people around to &#$! it all up for the rest of us. Who needs better motivation than that?

HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael, is set to launch a legal suit against his daughter's former bodyguard following comments the minder made about him and his estranged wife Dina.

Tony Almeida, who was Lohan's bodyguard for three years from 2002, sat down for exclusive interviews with TV news show Entertainment Tonight and magazine In Touch to talk about his concerns for his former client after she checked into her third rehab facility this year.

I had no idea that CTU had Lindsay Lohan's back, but I'm afraid I have some terrible news for Mr. Lohan: Tony passed away two seasons ago when he was killed by the awesome and evil Peter Weller. It is in very bad taste to sue a dead hero who many times saved Los Angeles. Jack will not be pleased.

For shame.

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